An avid blog reader and internet user who can't be that hard. Famous first and sometimes last words.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The wait for weight

A women's weight is a heavy topic. No pun intended. 

I remember in the first few months I was pregnant with Sawyer gaining weight at an amazing rate. Going from 105lbs, give or take, to almost 130lbs in 4 months was an experience. The day that we took the dogs on a walk and I felt poured into my favorite pair of jeans was the turning point into maternity clothes and an interesting revelation into how my weight is directly tied to my sense of health and beauty.  Gaining weight and not working out go together naturally but it felt like defeat. At the same time, I did not want to work out, I kept saying "I don't want to shake this baby up at all- she is here to stay." I was scared to loose that baby so if it took weight and laziness to keep her, then that is what I was going to do. Throughout the pregnancy I would gain a total of 55 lbs, and no matter how many times my mid-wife or the Dr. told me it was necessary and I was "too skinny" to begin with, each pound still felt like an unwelcome guest.

So here I am making baby #2. I should interject now to include the fact that this post is spontaneous and rooted in a perfect storm of personal feelings and parent comments. Last night before bed I asked Aaron if he thought my belly was too small for how far along I am, wanting him to somehow recall what my 19 week Sawyer belly looked liked. We could have easily looked up the pictures from our weekly belly shots with Sawyer but I was eager to go to sleep, so I brushed it off and away I went. Or so I thought. It had stuck with me, surfaced in my dreams and in those brief moments of waking through the night. My belly is small, does that mean my little boy isn't healthy? And every variation of that thought paced my sleepy head. Then this morning I had a mom at school say that I was looking skinny... you've lost look good...all of this before I could tell her that I was pregnant. When I did she replied "Are you sure? You don't look like it." And there I stood wishing my pants didn't fit.

I returned to my office, filled with moms and delicious food to celebrate Mother's Day in Mexico. Even though I had a bagel for breakfast I  welcomed the huge plate of food the moms had made for me. I filled my belly up with celebration for motherhood, all the worry and joy that comes with it, and let go of my belly sizing angst.

At 19 weeks today, I am one week from the 1/2 way point! That is almost unbelievable to me. This belly will surely grow twice as fast in the second half of this pregnancy and I will be reassured that each baby belly is as different as the baby that grows within it.

Forgive the bathroom shots and rainy day clothes- this was the best I could do for such a spontaneous post.



  1. What I said on Facebook, plus, I just thought of something. Aren't you still breast feeding your healthy nine month old? You are just looking fabulous and you are getting your two babies what they need, there just isn't much extra to go on your hips. Yay for you! I am jealous.

    1. Ohh... I wish I was still but as soon as Baby Boy hit the womb away went my milk. That actually was one of the reasons I thought to take a pregnancy test. Baby Boy is getting all of everything I have to give right now.

      Thanks for the sweet FB comment but I put the Debbie Downer music on mute- I will not let her take either of us with her! You are healthy and strong- neither one of us should be comparing even if it is to our 1st time pregnant selves. Let's stay present!


  2. Oh no, sorry to hear that. Well, in any case, yay to you for looking so great! And yes, I do know I sure have enough to feel bad about.... Migraines....nausea... Exhaustion.... That I don't need to beat myself over my body. I just did this! But as a woman it is just a natural thing for me to think and worry about my body. So here we go again!

    And, to put things in perspective, about 3 months after I gave birth, I don't think I have ever felt quite so good about my body as I had at that time. My weight was off, and my body just did this miraculous thing! I felt empowered.... It was probably that same empowerment that got me in the sack and knocked up again. Oopsies


Powered by Blogger.

Blogger news


Blogger templates

© 2011 With a super cool heart..., AllRightsReserved.

Designed by ScreenWritersArena