An avid blog reader and internet user who can't be that hard. Famous first and sometimes last words.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Masa y manteca

My lunch made me realize I was looking for comfort. Two tamales, rice, beans and watermelon water, although it sounds much better in spanish- aqua de sandia.

A mexican girls comfort food, all piled up on a stryofoam plate.

Kids, parents, board members, teachers, and still... ringing phones. Today was a rare day that I didn't leave my personal life at the door, it somehow had arrived in my office before me, unpacked and settled in- waiting patiently for my arrival. Your grandfather is dying, why did you pass up that interview, have you talked to the Detective, the nanny, you don't have a Masters degree...
but I had work to do, professional Sara needed everything to wait until the end of the day or at least till lunch time.

I was present for it all but completely in my head and somehow in the heads of everyone else- the interactions, the beauty, the love, the insanity and emptiness we all feel and how trivial it can be at times. My head was chaotic but my lipstick was perfect and it all felt strangely calm. That overwhelming sense of being part of something great(er). This is part of everything. The human experience was showing it self in a fit of commotion  and I was overwhelmed by it various shades and their ability to all exist at the same time.

So once the hunger and a quiet moment came, I went to find comfort and think. The mexican bakery on the block was perfect. The smell of sweet bread and tortillas was exactly what I needed. I smeared my lipstick and sorted my thoughts while the masa and manteca filled my belly and souls emptiness. I walked back into my office knowing- We are all trying to move forward, to find our truth, to be better, to share... to share something (ANYTHING!) helpful, meaningful, or at the very least, honest.

A tall man of God who got complicated with age.
My grandfathers time has come, this job isn't forever- but that one wasn't for you, Natalia is wonderfully amazing, I may never see my mom again, you CAN get your Masters with 2 children...and many more.

Call your Grandfather and get to work!


  1. Yum! A white girl living in So. Cal's comfort food too.

    Sorry to hear about your grandpa! Mine died recently when Elliott was sick and I never got the chance to deal with it. I am sure he was a special man!

    Love this post, honest and heroic and well written.

  2. Love your post too! Beautiful words straight from the heart!

    Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
    Have a nice day!


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