An avid blog reader and internet user who can't be that hard. Famous first and sometimes last words.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Gloom & grain

This post began a few days ago and came to a halt for some reason. Checking back today it is still so relevant, so I will hit post and release it to the universe.

Today I am a mess.

I imagined that I would be writing a Happy New Year post full of cheer and excitement but that is not the place I found myself in this morning. Surely it will wear off but for now I will acknowledge it and share it truthfully. It is probably exaggerated by lack of sleep and an overwhelming desire to spend the day reading books to my baby in the park but whatever the cause- a grey cloud has pulled up a chair for the day.

Another day, another post will share our wonderful Christmas in Palm Springs surrounded by family sharing lots of laughter. This is not that post. Another day, another post will share exciting news, projects, and "resolutions" but for now- this is not that post.

My Mom & Dad the way my mind will always see them.

This is the post that wallows in a bit of self-doubt, anxiety, and over-whelming desire for a big change. This kind of soul sickness is hard to pin point but it is located somewhere between work and a missing mom. Both are dirty secrets that I have barely whispered to myself- I am unhappy at work for many reasons and my Mom has been missing for almost a year. There is no coming to terms with either. They both require action and/or acceptance. So with work I am taking action. With my Mom, some form of acceptance. I realize even as I write about my Mom that, for my own healing, I should devote a post to sharing more about her and the situation. Another day, another post.

There is hope on the horizon. On Monday (with the delay in post, that is today) I will take a small step towards a huge change. Having little Miss Sawyer Day has given an urgency to living a life filled with happiness, meaning, and true passion, so I will waste no more time.Wish me luck!

Apologies for the choppy writing, these subjects are spotty in my head and loose substance when formulated to words...hopefully this blog will help me though both the emotion and the writing.



  1. well, this was written a few days ago now, but I am sorry that there's a gray cloud milling around. i am sure as a young mother to such a beautiful little life it is tough to be without your own mom. i can't even imagine. but as for your career possibilities, sounds exciting! i wish you the greatest luck! can't wait to catch up with you soon. :)


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